Step 1: Get Yourself Happy
The first step to happier children is, ironically, a little selfish.
How happy you are affects how happy and successful as your children are - dramatically.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Extensive research has established a strong link between mothers who feel depressed and "negative" in their children, as the act and other behavior problems. Parental depression does seem to cause behavioral problems in children; it also makes our least effective parenting.
And this is not only due to genetics.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
... Although the study found that happy parents are statistically more likely to have happy children, he could find no genetic component.
So what is the first step to a happier you? Take some time each week to have fun with friends.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Because laughter is contagious, go out with friends or family members who may themselves be laughing. Their laughter will get you laughing too, but he did not even need to lighten your mood. Neuroscientists believe that the other person hearing laughter triggers mirror neurons in a brain region that makes listeners feel as if they are actually laugh.
More scientific methods to increase your happiness here.
Step 2: Teach them how to build relationships
Nobody denies learning about relationships is important - but how many parents actually spend the time to teach children how to behave with others?
(Just say "Hey, do fall" when children do not get along really does not go far in building essential skills people.)
It does not take much. It can start by encouraging children to perform small acts of kindness to build empathy.
This not only builds essential skills and make your children better people, research shows the long term, it makes them happy.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Multiple sclerosis (MS) patients who have been trained to provide compassionate unconditional positive regard for other people with MS through monthly phone calls from fifteen minutes "showed a marked improvement in confidence, the self-esteem, depression, and role functioning "over two years. The aid was specially protected against depression and anxiety.
More information on creating good relationships here.
Step 3: Wait Effort, not perfection
Note to parents and perfectionist helicopters Tiger Moms: cool.
Relentlessly hitting the drum carrying children mess up.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Parents who overemphasize success are more likely to have children with higher levels of depression, anxiety and substance abuse compared to other children.
The research is very consistent: Praise effort, not natural ability.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
The majority of children praised for their intelligence wanted easiest puzzle; they will not take the risk of making a mistake and losing their status as "smart". Furthermore, over 90 percent of the growth-promoted spirit children chose a difficult puzzle.
What for? Dweck explains: "When we praise children for the effort and hard work that leads to realization, they want to keep involved in this process. They are not diverted from the task of learning a concern with how intelligent they may - or may not - search ".
More about renting here correctly.
Step 4: Teach optimism
You want to avoid dealing with a moody teen? Then teach these pre-teens to look on the bright side.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Ten years have learned to think and interpret the world are optimistic half prone to depression when they go through puberty later.
Author Christine Carter simply put: "Optimism is so closely linked to happiness that the two can practically be assimilated."
It compares optimistic pessimists and optimists found:
Are more successful in school, work and athletics
Are healthier and live longer
Eventually more satisfied with their marriage
Are less likely to face depression and anxiety
More information on how to encourage optimism here.
Step 5: Teaching Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a skill, not an innate trait.
Thinking kids will just "naturally" come to understand their own emotions (not to mention those of others) do not draw success.
A simple first step here is to "empathize, label and Confirm" when they are struggling with anger or frustration.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Molly: "I am so so so angry against you."
Me: "You are angry against me, very angry against me Tell me about you feeling so disappointed because I will not let you have a playdate at the moment..?"
Molly: "YES !! I want to have a playdate right now."
Me: ". You seem sad" (Crawling on my knees, Molly whimpered a bit and puts her head on my shoulder.)
Relate to the child, help them identify their feelings and let them know that these feelings are normal (although the bad behavior may not be).
More about active listening and labeling (and how hostage negotiators use this) here.
Step 6: Train Happiness habits
We are in step 6, and it might seem like it's already a lot for you to remember - let alone a child. We can overcome this with good habits.
Think through these methods is challenging, but usually acting is easy, once the patterns have been established.
How do you help children construct habits lasting happiness? Carter explains some powerful methods supported by research:
Removing the stimulus: Get the distractions and temptations of the road.
Make Public: Set goals to increase social support - and social pressure.
One goal at a time: too many goals overwhelming desire, especially for children. Solidify a habit before adding another.
Continue to him: Do not expect perfection immediately. It takes time. There will be relapses. It's normal. Keep reinforcement.
More information about developing good habits here.
Step 7: Learn self-discipline
Self-discipline in children is more predictive of future success of intelligence - or anything else for that matter.
Yes, it is the famous marshmallow test all over again. Children who have resisted the temptation to best fit much better lives years later and were happier.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
... The children preschool capacity to delay gratification to wait for the second marshmallow predicted intelligence, academic achievement, and social skills in adolescence. This is at least in part because self-discipline facilitates learning and information processing. In addition, self-disciplined children better cope with stress and frustration and tend to have a greater sense of social responsibility. In other words, self-discipline leads not only to the academic success and well sitting at the dinner table, but more happiness, more friends and greater involvement of the community.
What is a good way to start teaching self-discipline? Helping children learn to turn away from temptation.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
One way to do this is to obscure the temptation to physically cover the marshmallow tempting. When a reward is covered, 75 percent of children in one study were able to wait for a full fifteen minutes for the second marshmallow; none of the children could wait that long when the reward was visible.
More on increasing self-discipline here.
Step 8: More Playtime
We read a lot about mindfulness and meditation these days - and the two are very powerful.
Get the kids to do regularly but can be a challenge. What works almost as well?
More recreation.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Most children are already practicing mindfulness - to enjoy the present moment - when they play. but children today spend less time playing inside and out ... All in all, over the past two decades, children have lost eight hours per week of free play, unstructured, and spontaneous ...
Playtime is not only gaffes. It is essential to help children grow and learn.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Researchers believe that this dramatic decline in unstructured playtime is partly responsible for the children to slow the cognitive and emotional development ... In addition to helping children learn to self-regulate, headed by children, not the game structured (with or without adults) promoted intellectual, physical, social, and emotional well-being. Unstructured play helps children learn to work in groups, to share, negotiate, resolve conflicts, to regulate their emotions and behavior, and speak for themselves.
No strict instructions are needed here: Budget more time for your kids just go out and play simply.
More details on the power play (children and adults) here.
Step 9: Rig Their Environment For Happiness
We do not want to admit it, but we are all very much influenced by our environment - often more than we realize.
Your efforts will be constrained by the time and effort, while context affects us (and children) constantly.
What is a simple way to better control the child's environment and let your happiness deliberate efforts have maximum effect?
Less TV.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
... Research shows a strong link between happiness and do not watch TV. Sociologists show that happy people tend to watch much less television than unhappy people. We do not know whether television makes people unhappy, or if already unhappy people watch more television. But we know there are many activities that will help our children to become individuals happy, well-adjusted. If our children watch TV, they do not do those things that could make them happier in the long run.
More non-TV activities are happy here.
Step 10: dinner together
Sometimes all science is done to validate these things our grandparents knew all along. Yes, dinner with family issues.
This simple tradition allows better mold and makes their children happy too.
Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for children happier and happier parents
Studies show that children who eat dinner with their families on a regular basis are emotionally more stable and less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. They got better grades. they have fewer depressive symptoms, especially among adolescents. And they are less likely to become obese or have an eating disorder. Family dinners, even Trump reading to your children in terms of preparing for school. And these associations hold even after controlling for researchers of family ties ...
